Hand Surgery Rotation = Done

check mark

We are done with the first rotation of 3rd year.  I must say, I am liking 3rd year so far.  Dare I bite my tongue on that one?  It was a smooth 2 months.  Mr. Dr. was on a hand surgery rotation which had some great perks like no overnight weekday call and a week of vacation.

The only really bad thing I can say about it is that summer is now coming to a close.  While I love when rotations go by quickly, I loathe the fact that cold weather is right around our little corner.  Most people get excited about “boot weather” and throwing on their favorite sweater but to me that just means, in a few short months my puffy winter coat has to come out.  Yuck.  Until then I am enjoying the last couple weeks of warm weather.  End of summer into early fall is one of our favorite times to be in the NYC because the weather is perfect and the outdoors are pretty.

A couple of observations from this past rotation:
-Mr. Dr. can now probably do a carpal tunnel syndrome surgery in his sleep.
-Hand surgeons almost never have in-patients, most surgeries are out-patient = minimal days of morning rounds = a little extra daily sleep.
-Hand surgeries are generally pretty quick.
-I got told I looked really tan over the last two months which means I have had ample time in the sun = vitamin D is a good thing.
-Having a week off at the end of the summer is a really nice way to bring the summer to a close and kick off the upcoming season.

We have moved onto a trauma rotation.  Lots of 24 hour call and lots of longer days ahead.  But I am going to take the positive energy from the last 2 months and keep the happy mentality moving forward for as long as I can on the heels from this past rotation.  Wish me luck.

America’s Favorite Pastime

Fun little fact for those who don’t know.  Prior to this whole medical career Mr. Dr. played some baseball once or twice back in the day.  It’s hard to believe it’s been so long since that time in our lives but boy was it different.  Sports has been a huge part of both of our lives, hence how we met back in undergrad.  Fortunately for him, he was able to fulfill his dream of playing professionally.  I think every little leaguer has this dream but few can make it a reality.  After that exciting career stint he moved onto medicine.  Well, really it started during.  He was studying for MCATs while in season because he is no dummy and knew it was a long road ahead if he wanted to pursue doctorhood once his baseball career was finito.

Looking back on it, at the time I know I didn’t I appreciate the fact that he was so diligent about starting the process when he did.  I can’t imagine having started medical school any later than when we did knowing the path we are on now.  We were so young, silly and dumb when it all began we really had no idea what was ahead.  Correction.  HE knew.  I am sure when he was applying to medical schools he mentioned orthopedics as a field of interest.  But I just knew him as a baseball jock who liked biology and got way better grades than me.  I didn’t really listen to the 10 year surgery track plan.  I heard 3 letters: NYC.  Mumbling came after that and away we went on our adventure.

Well our new adventure did not require me sitting in the bleachers for 3 and ½ hours while simultaneously working on my tan during baseball games.  He only got up to bat every other inning so I was able to spend just as much time people watching, eating hot dogs and drinking beer as I did watching the game.  I got to watch him work 3 and ½ hours every day when he had a game.  That was a fun aspect of his job while he was employed by baseball.  It’s not like I can venture into the call room and cheer him on as he answers pages or go into the OR and clap every time he picks up the scalpel.  My cheerleading now is pretty much capped for in-home support only.

I always wondered what it would be like to be the wife of a pro baseball player.  The traveling weeks at a time would suck but couldn’t my husband just fly me to every game so I could sit in the wives section for the away games?  I think that seems reasonable.  In the off season he would always be around.  In the Spring we could live in warm, sunny Florida for Spring training.  If he got traded we could experience a new city together.  Who cares if I got a littttttle bored at the games.  It was fun to watch him jog around in his cute uniform.  Plus, ballpark food is the best.  Hospital food stinks, and scrubs and white coats are not the sexiest uniforms.

Mr. Dr. is lucky that he picked two professions he wanted to do in his life, has completed one and is working his way to achieve his second.  Baseball required hours, days and years of practice but every day baseball players can improve on the field.  Surgery requires hours, day and years of practice and like the sport, surgeons can improve every day in the operating room.  I suppose the biggest differences are he doesn’t get to play in dirt and run around a diamond when he does something great.  Rather, he plays inside of people’s bodies and gets to run around the hospital like a chicken with his head cut off.  He doesn’t stand outside and play catch with a little hard ball.  Instead he stands inside a fluorescent room and plays with little hard bones.  He doesn’t focus on lifting the dumbbell to get big muscles in the weight room.  Now, he focuses on lifting the knife to fix the wears and tears of others’ big muscles.

It’s funny how life has evolved for him thus far.  Recently, we went to the Home Run Derby because it was held in NYC this year which was awesome.  We had a great time and Mr. Dr. loved being back in familiar territory to witness such a cool event.

Homerun DerbyWe even got to see Pit Bull perform.  It was a fun night out.  Maybe one of these days we will get Mr. Dr. back on the diamond and see if he still has some of his own home run mojo from back in the day.

Pit Bull

One Day It Will Be Us

It’s been an exciting summer for us.  We have had a couple of weddings, a couple of fun events, some great outings and best of all, this first 3rd year rotation has allowed us to have ample quality time together.  This year was our first year attending the residency graduation dinner.  It was at a beautiful venue on a boat that sits anchored on the east river.  Mr. Dr. was working but they send someone in (usually a fellow) to relieve those that are on call for the evening for a few hours because they want the entire program (years 2-5) to be there.  It was a tad bit stressful since he had to rush to and from the hospital, to and from home, and to and from the event.  They really don’t make it easy for these slave laborers.  Amidst the rushing we only managed to lose one cufflink.  Perhaps it was the bow tie youtube how-to-tie video that he was watching en route to the venue that distracted him.  Luckily, thanks to him being on call, our dine and dash sentiment didn’t leave much time for anyone to notice that one tux shirt cuff was being held together by a paper clip that we graciously received from the hostess upon arrival.

Attendings, residents and their closest family attend this black tie affair.  I didn’t know what to expect but one immediate feeling I had was that I was glad they included the significant others on the invite.  Although it’s an event honoring the 5th years that are graduating, it really is a milestone event for all of the residents.  It’s always in June which means graduation for the 5th years, but another year done for the others.  Besides the extra fluff that they throw in to make it cheesy and ceremonial, the room is filled with hope for all of the junior residents.  Knowing it will be each of them in a year, 2 years or 3 years from that moment warms everyone with a good feeling for those few hours.  And not to mention, gives the significant others a moment to sit back and remember that one day it will hopefully all be worth it.  The sense of accomplishment that you could hear as each 5th year resident stood up to say their thanks and show their pride was endearing, motivating and rightfully so, emotional.  I am looking forward to inching one step closer to that being us with each upcoming year.  After a nice sit down dinner, they have the presentation of diplomas, slideshows (its ortho so they keep it light and entertaining), speeches and awards.  It’s just long enough to fit everything in and short enough that your eyelids don’t get too heavy while sitting there.

Here we are in our lobby as we were rushing back upstairs so he could change back into his doctor clothes and be swept away to overnight call.  I had realized I didn’t snap any photos and it’s certainly not often we get dressed up like his and her penguins.

Residency Dinner

Baby You’re A Firework

Happy Birthday America.  July 4th has always been one of my favorite holidays.  Well I like all holidays really.  Because you get a day off work, everyone is happy, you (hopefully) get to spend it with family & friends and it’s a great excuse to drink and eat a lot.  But July 4th is extra special because it’s in the heat of summer and I loooove summer.  It also brings back great memories.  Every year growing up we had a big 4th of July party at my parent’s house.  They live across the street from a big park that has an annual fireworks show.  We gathered the troops, grilled out, filled the coolers, played horseshoes, badminton, went swimming and partied till the pitch black.  Over the years once us kids took on the profession of college students, the party transpired and we added beer pong (kids vs. dads) tournaments to the activity list.  Fun times were had by all.  I made vodka punches that could have killed a group of small animals but everyone left buzzed, happy and with a full bladder.

4th of July party circa 2005ish??  Gosh we are young and spritely.

4th of July party circa 2005ish?? Gosh we look young and spritely.

With where we are now in our lives, the July 4th holiday holds a new, unique meaning since its always the week Mr. Dr. embarks on the next year of his doctorhood training.  Another reason to celebrate an already favorite holiday?  Sign me up!

Have a great holiday

2nd Year = DONE

check mark

Happy July 1st and Happy Medical Monday.  And most of all.  Happy first day of PGY3 for us.  It’s here.  The end to PGY2 has come.  The final rotation of ortho trauma is complete and although it was a doozy it.is.over.  I could not be happier to have the first 2 years of residency done and under our belts.  And I know I speak for both Mr. and Mrs. Dr. on that one.  It has been a pretty nutty year in the land of orthopedic residency.  I didn’t think that the hours would get worse from intern year…but they did.  I didn’t think his time “at home” in front of the computer or on the phone could increase from intern year…but it did.  I didn’t think the 24 hour shifts were real…but they are.  I didn’t think that Mr. Dr. would ever really get used to functioning on empty…but he did…and he does.

Now I also didn’t think that after working the longer hours he would maintain the excitement for his job…but he has.  In fact, his excitement for orthopedics has grown and it has been a really fun, inspiring venture to watch.  Hal-eh-lu-ya.  Rest assured he chose the right specialty.  However in full disclosure, there was a point a few months into 2nd year when Mrs. Dr. had to come to the rescue and politely reiterate to a defeated Mr. Dr. that we were not quitting after a couple rough tussles were had in the hospital.  Keeping the eye on the prize was more or less what I insisted so kindly reminded him was our goal.  I of course left out the following statements:

-Are you kidding? Of course there is no turning back.
-Did you forget that large 6 digit number of debt we have lingering over the tops of our little heads?
-Get it together Doc. We are in it for the long haul.
-We (let’s be honest, more specifically I) have not endured 6 years of this medical life crap for nothing.

No no.  I left all of that out and spoke to him like a motivational speaker on her best day.  And somehow it worked.  I was probably a few glasses of wine or maybe even a bottle in but sometimes that’s all we need.  But that was it…only 1 major hurdle to cross.  I use that term loosely as there are lots of hurdles.  But hey – if only 1 major down occurs in 365 days in a field where we have more ups and downs than a roller coaster at Six Flags that is considered a big win.

Best of all, he never ceases to amaze me.  He comes home from work at 9am or 9pm with a smile on his face.  He works hard and puts in the time where it’s due and doesn’t complain.  In fact, he is the one that politely reminds me that whether we like it or not, there isn’t a whole lot he can really have a say in so for now we just have to go with it.  And believe me, I need that reminder.

That is probably my biggest learning from 2nd year.  I can’t tell you how many times I said to myself “just go with the flow.”  It helped me tremendously when dealing with unfair scheduling, long calls, missed holidays, missed events and all of the other crap that goes along with being a resident.  So much of it is beyond their poor, suture sewing control.  I reached the point this year where I understood what it meant to direct my anger away from him and instead out into the air (or into the vodka), because there was not a whole hell of a lot either of us could do about the many frustrations he, and sometimes we, were experiencing.  But as usual, we got through it with laughs, smiles and a few sparse tears.

I’d say with 2 years of orthopedic residency done and our marriage still not only in tact, but happy as can be, those theme parks better start lining up at our door.  The Mr. & Mrs. Dr. ride might just be the next big conquering amusement. :).  Come one, come all.

You Know You Make Me Wanna



Technically wedding season commences in April.  Funny actually, when we chose our wedding date I spoke to a couple that said they had gotten married in April and it was a great month to do so because their wedding kicked off wedding season for most of the guests.  It makes sense for us east coasters.  April-October and really now November is even just as big to say those two joyful words ‘I do’ with your soul mate.  And so I guess it was nice to get everyone excited for the upcoming months of wedding festivities for other friends and family members.  Throw in a tornado and voila, we really kicked off wedding season with a bang 2 years ago!

This wedding season for us has started off quiet which has been a nice change from the last 2 years.  Last year we had 7 weddings, yes 7.  We are just at that age.  Unfortunately Mr. Dr. was also an intern/2nd year throughout the wedding madness.  This = only made it to about half.  50% is a pretty accurate count for things he misses in a year.  So hopefully that increases year over year.  Even if it’s just to 56% this year.  I’ll take it.  Although for June that 50% rings true.  This weekend kicks off our first wedding of 2013 and I am looking forward to spending a fun weekend with family and friends.  I mean really, how fun are weddings??  And when you know the majority of people there, it’s even better.  Mr. Dr. is working so he will miss this one but that’s ok because wedding #2 of the season is next weekend and he will be there in the flesh.  I can’t guarantee he won’t be tired and I am not to blame if he falls asleep next to the dance floor, but I can guarantee that we will be celebrating the end of his 2nd year as much as the nuptials of the bride and groom.

Confession: Ever since the movie Wedding Crashers I have wanted to crash just ONE wedding to see what it would feel like.  Is that weird?  I think it might be.  I blame Vince and Owen because they make it look too fun.  My next confession is that I secretly hope that never comes true because it’s probably creepy and not cool.  I digress…

This weekend I will be in my hometown, good ol’ Bmore, with fabulous family and fantastic friends.  The good news at this point in the game instead of the “Where’s your husband?” question, I have been to enough events solo that it’s more like, “So he’s working?” and all I have to do is shake my head yes.  Saves me a few breaths.  But despite being unaccompanied by my favorite human accessory, it will be a great time and I’m really looking forward to it.

And then I am rushing home on Sunday because it’s our first year attending the residency graduation dinner for our program.  Mr. Dr. is getting relieved from his shift for 4 hours on Sunday so we can go as it’s pretty mandatory for the PGYs 2-4 to be there to support the graduating 5th years.  Which I think is great by the way.  I will report back on that one.

Cheers to wedding season and Happy Cocktail Friday.

Cold Hard Hospital Facts

June and July are interesting months in the medical world.  Residencies start, families move, school ends, and orientation scares everyone.  Relating to residency, residents are experiencing a ‘first time’ all over again whether they are an intern or a chief.  Every July 1st (at least that is the date in our case – but every program is different) brings a whole new slew of learnings, rotations, tasks, responsibilities and brand spanking new “one step” closer moments, which are obviously my favorite.

I will never forget the first day Mr. Dr. started residency.  I kissed him goodbye in the dark, wished him well and had no idea when he would come home or what he would say his day was like when he did.  When that tired soul did finally walk through the door, I remember thinking he looked like two things: a deer in headlights and confusion.  Sort of like the look you might expect on a 2 year old when they are standing in a room and at that split second realize their parent isn’t standing right next to them anymore.  Confusion leads to utter panic within seconds. That is sort of what I pictured as I watched him describe his day.  I think I asked something along the lines of, “Did you see a ghost on your way home?” But his response, “I ran around the hospital today like a chicken with my head cut off, I have no idea what I am doing and everyone is too busy to teach me what the hell is going on. This is going to be brutal.”  Poor guy.  Welcome to residency you naïve little long white-coated intern. Yes, you have an M.D. after your name now but good luck with the next 5 years.  Cheers though for coming out alive on the first day of understanding what that M.D. means in the ortho world with your body still in one piece.  I felt for him…oh did I ever.  Then I felt for myself.  What have we gotten ourselves into?  Two things have remained true for me since we started.

1. Despite what everyone tells you to expect, it’s probably worse.
2. No one understands residency until they go through it both from the M.D. perspective and the spouse perspective.

Evvvvvvvvveryone tells you all of the residency rumors before you start – how hard the next few years of life will be and blah blah blah.  And while everyone is right about how difficult residency is, there is one thing that a lot of people forget to mention.  For the second half of June and most of July, patients will probably be getting ‘B’ game service without even realizing it! I don’t know about you but I expect ‘A’ game whenever I visit a hospital.  Well folks, those young little newbies in scrubs running around the hospital halls looking like they don’t have a clue are probably not acting if you ever pay a visit in those summer months. Sure they catch on quick – I mean there has to be a reason why they got into residency ;) – but after seeing Mr. Dr.’s first month of residency unfold 2 years ago, I certainly recommend holding off a bit on a hospital visit until after the dust has settled in those call rooms.  Maybe consider scheduling that knee surgery for September instead of July.

Take my advice or don’t take it.  I am just laying down the cold (hm or maybe hot since we are talking summer) hard facts. Beware of the hospital in the mid-summer months or…enter at your own risk.

funny doctor surgery

Sneakers Sneak By The Stilettos

Something you may or may not know about me.  I hate feet.  Maybe because I don’t think mine are the cutest, with my bunions and calluses.  By the time my mom was my age she already had bunion surgery.  Mine have definitely gotten worse over the years but I am in slight denial and pretend they are fine.  They don’t hurt yet so I until then…well they are fine…they just don’t look too pretty.  As I write I am knocking on a piece of wood for that one.  Ugh and those disgustos that have foot sex fetishes…ewww…  Look, everyone is allowed to have their own “thing” but seriously pick a different part of the body other than that which stampedes the cement ground I walked home from work on today.  The only good thing that comes to mind when I hear the word feet is pedicure.  I do love a pampering pedicure.  But who doesn’t?

I love stilettos, pumps and all other girly shoes that are bad for your feet.  I wear them all the time and prefer to live by the mantra “beauty is pain” when it comes to heels.  I am a woman and therefore, feel entitled to think that way.  But after a long day of standing upright 4 inches with an arched foot taller than my best day in flats, I come home and feel relieved to put on my slippers (which by the way only occurs after I eloquently place my heels back in their rightful space in the closet – this tidbit will make sense after you read the post in full).  Well this got me thinking.  How do surgeons stand in surgeries for 10 hours without tired feet?  Mr. Dr. never complains about his feet being sore.  I don’t get it.  How do they run around the hospital for 24 hours without hurtin’ tootsies?

So then I considered the shoe selection for surgeons.  It seems the most popular in our neck of the Manhattan woods are either crocks or clogs.  He says his clogs are perfect for running around the hospital and standing in long surgeries.  Then again, they are probably too damn tired to even notice what’s on their feet.  I’d like to believe if Christian Louboutin made clogs they would probably be uncomfortable and probably cost a small fortune.  I wonder, though, if the lady doctors and nurses would buy them anyway.  After all, they are women.  And we women love shoes.

True and terrible story:
I got home from work one day and a pair of his old sneakers (that I hadn’t seen in months) were sitting out IN OUR TINY APARTMENT next to the couch.  I looked down and saw a few speckles of red on them.  And it wasn’t the same red as the sole or the Nike swoosh.  No it was a smeared, deeper red on the top.  He wouldn’t I thought to myself.  Oh but he did.  Smeared b-l-o-o-d.  Not a spilled glass of Cabernet, not a sharpie explosion and not a fight with my bottle of nail polish.  Nope, just blood dabbled drenched, infectious sneakers sitting effortlessly next to my crisp, clean light-colored sofa where I spend my calming downtime and where.I.live.

Me: Babe, where did these old sneakers come from?
Him: The car.
Me: Um, is that blood on them?
Him: Oh yeah, when I didn’t have my clogs I had to use these because they were the only old pair of shoes I had lying around that I wanted to use in the OR.
Me: Oh…OK.

Did they eventually get moved?  Yes.  But what the hell made him think that his placement of shoes was A)appropriate and B)normal?  Am I crazy?  Thinking back to it I must say if it was sans the blood on top I would not have gotten so disgusted.  But the bottom line is there was blood, from an OR nonetheless, and it was sitting in my pretty living room.  I have learned to bite my tongue so many times I can’t even count.  So I made sure to express my disgust in a heartfelt, loving way that might get through to him because newflash -> blood drenched/dabbed/speckled/dropped/I-don’t-care-how-much-is-on-it-but-it-is-there sneakers need to stay out of my living space. This reminds me of an Emma saga of “You Know You’re a Surgeon’s Wife When…

I came to the conclusion that while what he did was pretty sick and unsanitary, there are bigger fish to fry so I’m over it.  He knows I was not thrilled and that’s what matters.  I think I had a soft spot because we don’t have a garage or mud room to displace something like that.  We don’t even have a yard where we can sit them (though the balcony would have been a better option).  But hey, he was probably seeing double when he put them there after his long shift.  I’m going with that because he knows Mrs. Dr. would not approve if he was thinking in his level-headed state.  Note: for my future visitors, I have disinfected the area and while I am not certain where the old sneaks currently reside, they are not next to the couch.

Are clogs, crocks and old sneakers the surgery way as far as feet selection for anyone else in the surgical field?  Would love to know…and hear if any of you have shared in a similar true and terrible story like mine.


The other day I stopped to think about what motivates me.  Typically when I think about motivation, work comes to mind.  Perhaps it is because we are constantly looking for the motivation to help us get up and go to work everyday.  Or maybe because while at work it’s important to have motivation to succeed.  And when you succeed, you get rich.  Hopefully in dollar bills, relationships and in life.  Although sadly not always the case.  This is ultimately what makes the world go round and makes us all tick.  If there was zero motivation within people would we all be vegetables?  With no brain, emotion or life?  Being motivated is obviously important in our professional life but that doesn’t mean we should neglect what motivates us in our personal life.  God I sound like one of those speakers that stands on a stage in an auditorium full of people talking about how important it is to value yourself.  But I swear I’m not.  I just felt that when I really sat to think about it, I discovered there are a lot of drivers that motivate me each and everyday.

My own personal ambition motivates me to be better at my job.  I am lucky that I have an ambition because not everyone out there does as I am sure we all know someone in our lives that lacks this desire.  I believe all doctors have ambition and that aids in the majority of their accomplishments and is a key driver for why they choose that career path.  My family and friends are another big motivating factor for me.  People in general peak my curiosity as I have always been very interested in learning about the “whys” of people doing things.  But specifically – my family motivates me to be a more loving daughter, granddaughter, sister, aunt and niece.  My friends motivate me to be more loyal, a better listener and great company.  Living in NYC with all of its surroundings motivates me to be more open and accepting of cultures, places and an unhealthy amount of delicious food and drink.  Speaking of drink, opposite ends of the spectrum motivate me to drink.  On one end there are days that it’s stress and on the other end there are days that it’s a celebratory occasion.  I can alwayssssssss find a celebratory occasion for a drink. :) Oh it’s Monday AND the first week of June AND Medical Monday – this calls for a cocktail.  But the most important motivation in my life is undoubtedly my busy husband.  He motivates me to be a better everything.  Yes, he also drives me nuts sometimes but he motivates me to feel the ups, downs and all arounds of our life together.  Lucky for me, that motivation gives way more laughs and smiles than frowns and tears.

The interesting part is when one of the motivaters is off.  My ambition lessens when I have a bad day at work.  I won’t be the greatest company if there is an issue with my friends or family.  If the weather in NYC is crappy, I won’t be as accepting about the guy who accidentally hit me in the face with his umbrella and didn’t apologize on the busy pedestrian-filled street.  And if my Mr. Dr. has a bad day then there is the potential that my happiness can feel empty or incomplete because our relationship is my most valued motivator.  So when these things happen I have found that the best thing I can do is focus on what’s ahead because there always seems to be something lingering in the forefront of my thoughts that can keep my motivation afloat.  Something upcoming that we should be able to look forward to – a vacation (even if just a day), a milestone in residency, visitors, a pleasant surprise, a new purchase, a new savings, a new job, a new home, a new family addition, a new friend, a new experience, new weather, and in the end…even a damn new day.  I guess in a way this relates to that saying:

Life is too short

But it’s true isn’t it?  Because the longer we stay unhappy, the more of a rut we get ourselves into and the longer it takes to get out.  So shit, I choose happy and will try to just keep swimming.  Sure, some days our motivators are at a higher level than others.  But at the end of the day our best bet is that if one of our motivators is down, the other is up.  That balance could just be one of the keys to keeping us happy.

And all of the above motivates me for this blog.  Without my motivation, I would sit around in my bed all day, be pretty lonely and eventually officially become a hermit.  What motivates you?  Is there anything specific when you stop and think about it?

And of course…

Happy June Medical Monday!  I can’t believe its June.  Although the humidity outside is an unpleasant reminder.  For those of you stopping by from the link-up thanks for visiting.  Quick recap – my Dr.H is an ortho R2, I work in media and we are in our 6th year of living in NYC.  Looking forward to meeting some new readers and writers this month.

It’s 5 O’Clock Somewhere On The Road

When Mr. Dr. and I travel for weekend trips we often take turns driving.  It usually depends on who is most tired.  I like to make the deal of “well if I drive you have to stay awake and talk to me.”  And usually if I end up behind the wheel he is out cold 10 minutes later in the passenger seat.  But if he is driving I am usually the little energizer bunny next to him talking his little ear off.  I think we both don’t mind longish drives because it gives us a chance to catch up on conversation we miss with each other from the week.  This happens a lot with our non-routine lives.  So sometimes believe it or not I think we both look forward to some time spent in the car.

But one thing we (and probably every other person in the world) have in common is how much we hate traffic.  Ugh.  Just thinking about it makes me annoyed.  Why do people rubberneck?  Yes I am curious too but for the love of God just try and resist and please keep up the pace.  Why do people drive 50 mph in the left lane?  If you are 85 years old and haven’t revisited your eye exam to maintain your license please refrain from keeping your 1993 Buick in the fast lane.  Why is there always construction at every single hour of the day on every single highway?  I mean it really cannot be that difficult of a concept to begin construction well before or well after rush hour.  It is worth it to pay the Union construction workers overtime to avoid the delays it causes.  And furthermore, I doubt we really need to expand every single solitary road on the east coast.  Because it certainly seems like that is what happens every weekend.  And lastly to my friends operating the NJ Turnpike – while I do appreciate the “Use Alternate Route – Major Delays Ahead” warnings, if you are not going to update it to coincide with what is actually happening 5 miles ahead it is completely useless.  I would much appreciate it if you stayed a bit more prompt in your delivery of digital highway messaging to avoid an even bigger clusterf*** of traffic on the unnecessary alternate route.  On the flip side if you tell people to “Reduce Speed” they will listen so please do not ask drivers to do so when traffic is moving smoothly.

On a positive note, there was one idea that came out of sitting in traffic a few weeks ago.  As I sat there in the passenger seat counting down the minutes until I could start happy hour outside of the car it hit me.  Why not have happy hour inside the car?  Wouldn’t traffic be 1000% more bearable if we were able to sip on martinis?  Yes and Yes.  Now I’m not talking about bringing your own bottle of wine and enjoying it out of a red solo cup in the passenger seat (I may or may not have ever done this…).  No I am talking about a much more sophisticated idea.  Meet the traffictini.  Traffic + Martini = Traffictini.  You know how they have vendor food and beverage carts set up on the streets of NYC?  Well why in the heck haven’t they invented a Traffictini cart that sits on the sides of the road during traffic and rush hours?  Tell me this isn’t the most brilliant idea.  We could have Highway Happy Hour with Roadside Ruby Reds and Rum Punches.  They could even make Box Car Martinis and Sidecar Cocktails to follow theme.  The only negative that could come from this is the number of arguments that might stem from who has to drive but that’s what the rock paper scissors game is for before you hop in the car.  Think about it.  You (passenger only of course) roll down the window, pick up your cocktail and move on seamlessly.

Let’s take this a step further.  In standstill traffic they could even have a waiter taking orders.  Thanks to Zazzle we could have the above made into a bumper sticker magnet for our cars.  The passengers could stick it on the outside of the car while in traffic if they want a drink which could be the waiter’s cue to come over.  Trains have bar cars and planes have flight attendants so why can’t roads have traffictini carts and waiters?  I might just be writing a letter to the Department of Transportation about this one.  I once again think I might be on to something.