When Mr. Dr. and I travel for weekend trips we often take turns driving. It usually depends on who is most tired. I like to make the deal of “well if I drive you have to stay awake and talk to me.” And usually if I end up behind the wheel he is out cold 10 minutes later in the passenger seat. But if he is driving I am usually the little energizer bunny next to him talking his little ear off. I think we both don’t mind longish drives because it gives us a chance to catch up on conversation we miss with each other from the week. This happens a lot with our non-routine lives. So sometimes believe it or not I think we both look forward to some time spent in the car.
But one thing we (and probably every other person in the world) have in common is how much we hate traffic. Ugh. Just thinking about it makes me annoyed. Why do people rubberneck? Yes I am curious too but for the love of God just try and resist and please keep up the pace. Why do people drive 50 mph in the left lane? If you are 85 years old and haven’t revisited your eye exam to maintain your license please refrain from keeping your 1993 Buick in the fast lane. Why is there always construction at every single hour of the day on every single highway? I mean it really cannot be that difficult of a concept to begin construction well before or well after rush hour. It is worth it to pay the Union construction workers overtime to avoid the delays it causes. And furthermore, I doubt we really need to expand every single solitary road on the east coast. Because it certainly seems like that is what happens every weekend. And lastly to my friends operating the NJ Turnpike – while I do appreciate the “Use Alternate Route – Major Delays Ahead” warnings, if you are not going to update it to coincide with what is actually happening 5 miles ahead it is completely useless. I would much appreciate it if you stayed a bit more prompt in your delivery of digital highway messaging to avoid an even bigger clusterf*** of traffic on the unnecessary alternate route. On the flip side if you tell people to “Reduce Speed” they will listen so please do not ask drivers to do so when traffic is moving smoothly.
On a positive note, there was one idea that came out of sitting in traffic a few weeks ago. As I sat there in the passenger seat counting down the minutes until I could start happy hour outside of the car it hit me. Why not have happy hour inside the car? Wouldn’t traffic be 1000% more bearable if we were able to sip on martinis? Yes and Yes. Now I’m not talking about bringing your own bottle of wine and enjoying it out of a red solo cup in the passenger seat (I may or may not have ever done this…). No I am talking about a much more sophisticated idea. Meet the traffictini. Traffic + Martini = Traffictini. You know how they have vendor food and beverage carts set up on the streets of NYC? Well why in the heck haven’t they invented a Traffictini cart that sits on the sides of the road during traffic and rush hours? Tell me this isn’t the most brilliant idea. We could have Highway Happy Hour with Roadside Ruby Reds and Rum Punches. They could even make Box Car Martinis and Sidecar Cocktails to follow theme. The only negative that could come from this is the number of arguments that might stem from who has to drive but that’s what the rock paper scissors game is for before you hop in the car. Think about it. You (passenger only of course) roll down the window, pick up your cocktail and move on seamlessly.
Let’s take this a step further. In standstill traffic they could even have a waiter taking orders. Thanks to Zazzle we could have the above made into a bumper sticker magnet for our cars. The passengers could stick it on the outside of the car while in traffic if they want a drink which could be the waiter’s cue to come over. Trains have bar cars and planes have flight attendants so why can’t roads have traffictini carts and waiters? I might just be writing a letter to the Department of Transportation about this one. I once again think I might be on to something.